The kids are gone on a trip with the grandparents.
Wa-hoo, you might think. Sleep late. Watch TV. Eat junk food.
But for me, it brings sadness. Every time my children leave, it is another cut in the parental umbilical cord. It's the sad process of letting go, of realizing that, while they slip away from me and become independent adults, I will still worry about them. The mothering cord is never cut.
So the folks flew in a couple of days ago to take the kids on a grandparents/grandchildren adventure to Yellowstone. I'm very lucky my parents are healthy and able to take my children on trips.
But I awoke at 2:30 a.m. in a panic and stayed awake for the rest of the night, worrying futilely about things I have no control over anyway: the safety of my kids' travels, how they will behave, and if they will be homesick.
I thought for a fleeting moment about praying, and I understand why so many mothers have prayed for their children in the long, dark night. There is no medicine for the sick feeling that your babies are at the mercy of nature and society. There is no cure for the heartache of watching something you created and loved so intensely take flight and fly away from the safety of you.
Children outgrow us so fast. They leave us behind holding only their memories and an obselete safety net.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Happy Meal Baptism
If a church can’t guilt a child into membership, if they can’t pull him in with fear or with approval of his sinning self or promises for life everafter, they’ll draw him in with doughnuts and gifts.
After the big baptism, I went to pick up my children from their dad’s house. It was my birthday and we were going to eat at Jinbeh, a Japanese restaurant my youngest son loves. He was very excited when I arrived, but not because we were going to see an elaborate show with fire and knives. He was excited because one of the members of his dad’s church had stopped by with a gift for T”"”"’s baptism.
What would be an appropriate gift for the baptism of a child who is one month shy of 9 years old? I would think a cross, a pocket bible or some other symbolic trinket. No, what T**** received was a large toy car. A metal, deep blue, snazzy replica of a Dodge Viper.
I thought of golden arches and snappy tunes: “ba da ba ba baa..I’m lovin’ it.” Wait. Wrong story. What does a Dodge Viper have to do with baptism into the holy world of Jesus Christ?
There was a clue in my older son’s behavior. He was excited, too. He demonstrated all the moving parts: the trunk opened to expose a spare, removable tire. He lifted the hood to reveal a shiny new engine. Then he stood up and smiled. “Maybe I’ll get baptized, too.”
Like happy meals toys, baptismal toys entice kids to eat a lot of crap.
After the big baptism, I went to pick up my children from their dad’s house. It was my birthday and we were going to eat at Jinbeh, a Japanese restaurant my youngest son loves. He was very excited when I arrived, but not because we were going to see an elaborate show with fire and knives. He was excited because one of the members of his dad’s church had stopped by with a gift for T”"”"’s baptism.
What would be an appropriate gift for the baptism of a child who is one month shy of 9 years old? I would think a cross, a pocket bible or some other symbolic trinket. No, what T**** received was a large toy car. A metal, deep blue, snazzy replica of a Dodge Viper.
I thought of golden arches and snappy tunes: “ba da ba ba baa..I’m lovin’ it.” Wait. Wrong story. What does a Dodge Viper have to do with baptism into the holy world of Jesus Christ?
There was a clue in my older son’s behavior. He was excited, too. He demonstrated all the moving parts: the trunk opened to expose a spare, removable tire. He lifted the hood to reveal a shiny new engine. Then he stood up and smiled. “Maybe I’ll get baptized, too.”
Like happy meals toys, baptismal toys entice kids to eat a lot of crap.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
And the preacher said...
When I finally received a response from Pastor P (conveniently after he had baptised my son), here’s what he said. I cut out the blah blah blah “our church is so wonderful” bit to get to the crux of the problem. Incidentally, my older son views Pastor P as a leader and a businessman, the congregation as followers and as “workers.” The Pastor, he notes, is the only person ‘interpreting’ the Bible on his own. For this, he makes “tons of money.”
Dear Ms. M*****:
“A couple of items I would like to note. We have a process for all individuals prior to baptism. This includes a hospitality room experience where trained men and women inquire about a person’s spiritual journey and their desire to indicate next steps in that journey. Each conversation begins with simply talking. At times it leads to a prayer experience with that person in the hospitality room. For those that indicate a spiritual decision, we desire to be thorough and good listeners. We too agree that a person needs to make this decision by themselves trusting God’s leadership upon the heart, soul and mind, not any other influences…
…I received a note from our Children’s minister this morning indicating that he met personally with T****, his father, and your son R****** last Friday. During this 30 minute conversation, our minister was able to listen to Travis’ questions/answers. His father indicated the conversation brought clarification regarding the decision he had indicated at a previous moment.
The decision to schedule his baptism was affirmed at that time."
The obvious question is, who is really getting “baptized” here: father or son? How does T*****’s father ”indicate” that “the conversation brought clarification regarding the decision he had indicated at a previous moment.” Yikes! What, exactly, does that mean? Did my Ex-H (ex-husband) say, “OK! T***** now understands the decision he made at a previous moment.” (Interesting choice of words: previous moment. It sounds so fleeting.) And shouldn’t T***** speak for himself, if a person is truly to make this choice for himself (as Pastor P notes)?
The church has more to reap from baptism than the baptized. The initiation of believers solidifies the membership in the church, the feeling of belonging to the congregation and the responsibility to support the preacher and the house of god. Amen.
Dear Ms. M*****:
“A couple of items I would like to note. We have a process for all individuals prior to baptism. This includes a hospitality room experience where trained men and women inquire about a person’s spiritual journey and their desire to indicate next steps in that journey. Each conversation begins with simply talking. At times it leads to a prayer experience with that person in the hospitality room. For those that indicate a spiritual decision, we desire to be thorough and good listeners. We too agree that a person needs to make this decision by themselves trusting God’s leadership upon the heart, soul and mind, not any other influences…
…I received a note from our Children’s minister this morning indicating that he met personally with T****, his father, and your son R****** last Friday. During this 30 minute conversation, our minister was able to listen to Travis’ questions/answers. His father indicated the conversation brought clarification regarding the decision he had indicated at a previous moment.
The decision to schedule his baptism was affirmed at that time."
The obvious question is, who is really getting “baptized” here: father or son? How does T*****’s father ”indicate” that “the conversation brought clarification regarding the decision he had indicated at a previous moment.” Yikes! What, exactly, does that mean? Did my Ex-H (ex-husband) say, “OK! T***** now understands the decision he made at a previous moment.” (Interesting choice of words: previous moment. It sounds so fleeting.) And shouldn’t T***** speak for himself, if a person is truly to make this choice for himself (as Pastor P notes)?
The church has more to reap from baptism than the baptized. The initiation of believers solidifies the membership in the church, the feeling of belonging to the congregation and the responsibility to support the preacher and the house of god. Amen.
And the preacher said...
When I finally received a response from Pastor P (conveniently after he had baptised my son), here’s what he said. I cut out the blah blah blah “our church is so wonderful” bit to get to the crux of the problem. Incidentally, my older son views Pastor P as a leader and a businessman, the congregation as followers and as “workers.” The Pastor, he notes, is the only person ‘interpreting’ the Bible on his own. For this, he makes “tons of money.”
Dear Ms. M*****:
“A couple of items I would like to note. We have a process for all individuals prior to baptism. This includes a hospitality room experience where trained men and women inquire about a person’s spiritual journey and their desire to indicate next steps in that journey. Each conversation begins with simply talking. At times it leads to a prayer experience with that person in the hospitality room. For those that indicate a spiritual decision, we desire to be thorough and good listeners. We too agree that a person needs to make this decision by themselves trusting God’s leadership upon the heart, soul and mind, not any other influences…
…I received a note from our Children’s minister this morning indicating that he met personally with T****, his father, and your son R****** last Friday. During this 30 minute conversation, our minister was able to listen to Travis’ questions/answers. His father indicated the conversation brought clarification regarding the decision he had indicated at a previous moment.
The decision to schedule his baptism was affirmed at that time."
The obvious question is, who is really getting “baptized” here: father or son? How does T*****’s father ”indicate” that “the conversation brought clarification regarding the decision he had indicated at a previous moment.” Yikes! What, exactly, does that mean? Did my Ex-H (ex-husband) say, “OK! T***** now understands the decision he made at a previous moment.” (Interesting choice of words: previous moment. It sounds so fleeting.) And shouldn’t T***** speak for himself, if a person is truly to make this choice for himself (as Pastor P notes)?
The church has more to reap from baptism than the baptized. The initiation of believers solidifies the membership in the church, the feeling of belonging to the congregation and the responsibility to support the preacher and the house of god. Amen.
Dear Ms. M*****:
“A couple of items I would like to note. We have a process for all individuals prior to baptism. This includes a hospitality room experience where trained men and women inquire about a person’s spiritual journey and their desire to indicate next steps in that journey. Each conversation begins with simply talking. At times it leads to a prayer experience with that person in the hospitality room. For those that indicate a spiritual decision, we desire to be thorough and good listeners. We too agree that a person needs to make this decision by themselves trusting God’s leadership upon the heart, soul and mind, not any other influences…
…I received a note from our Children’s minister this morning indicating that he met personally with T****, his father, and your son R****** last Friday. During this 30 minute conversation, our minister was able to listen to Travis’ questions/answers. His father indicated the conversation brought clarification regarding the decision he had indicated at a previous moment.
The decision to schedule his baptism was affirmed at that time."
The obvious question is, who is really getting “baptized” here: father or son? How does T*****’s father ”indicate” that “the conversation brought clarification regarding the decision he had indicated at a previous moment.” Yikes! What, exactly, does that mean? Did my Ex-H (ex-husband) say, “OK! T***** now understands the decision he made at a previous moment.” (Interesting choice of words: previous moment. It sounds so fleeting.) And shouldn’t T***** speak for himself, if a person is truly to make this choice for himself (as Pastor P notes)?
The church has more to reap from baptism than the baptized. The initiation of believers solidifies the membership in the church, the feeling of belonging to the congregation and the responsibility to support the preacher and the house of god. Amen.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
No baptism, please
When my younger son was eight, he was baptized without my permission and against my wishes into a Baptist church. It was my desire that he wait until he was older to be baptized, until he understood what the ritual meant. When I found out he was to be baptized the next day, I sent this message:
Dear Pastor ****,
I'm am trying to get a message to whomever is in charge of baptisms. My son, T****, will be baptized into your church this Sunday.
I believe that both parents should agree to a child's spiritual upbringing. I do not agree that my son should be baptized in your church--or any other for that matter. I think he should wait to make this decision until he is older. An 8-year-old child cannot rationally decide.
When I asked T****, "Why are you being baptized?" He said, "I don't know. Ask my brother."
I said, "Do you know what it means to be baptized?" He said, "No, I learned one time, but I forgot."
It is unconscionable to manipulate a young mind so that you can increase your numbers or bring in more income. If you baptize my son knowing that he does not understand why he is being baptized, then you are no different than religions--like Catholicism--that baptize their children before they can speak. T**** does not even know why he is being baptized other than it pleases his dad. His dad has already baptized him once in another church when he was a baby. I hope you will refrain until T**** is old enough to understand. His spirit should not be used as a pawn or an accessory.
I will post the pastor's reply next time.
Dear Pastor ****,
I'm am trying to get a message to whomever is in charge of baptisms. My son, T****, will be baptized into your church this Sunday.
I believe that both parents should agree to a child's spiritual upbringing. I do not agree that my son should be baptized in your church--or any other for that matter. I think he should wait to make this decision until he is older. An 8-year-old child cannot rationally decide.
When I asked T****, "Why are you being baptized?" He said, "I don't know. Ask my brother."
I said, "Do you know what it means to be baptized?" He said, "No, I learned one time, but I forgot."
It is unconscionable to manipulate a young mind so that you can increase your numbers or bring in more income. If you baptize my son knowing that he does not understand why he is being baptized, then you are no different than religions--like Catholicism--that baptize their children before they can speak. T**** does not even know why he is being baptized other than it pleases his dad. His dad has already baptized him once in another church when he was a baby. I hope you will refrain until T**** is old enough to understand. His spirit should not be used as a pawn or an accessory.
I will post the pastor's reply next time.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Einstein didn't believe....
...in an afterlife either. Here's one of my favorite quotes by Einstein: "I cannot conceive of a god who rewards and punishes his creatures or has a will of the kind that we experience in ourselves. Neither can I--nor would I want to--conceive of an individual that survives his physical death. Let feeble souls, from fear or absurd egotism, cherish such thoughts. I am satisfied with the mystery of the eternity of life and a glimpse of the marvelous structure of the existing world, togheter with the devoted striving to comprehend a portion, be it ever so tiny, of the Reason that manifests itself in nature." Note the interesting capitalization: god is not capitalized, but Reason is....Reason is truly sacred. This is what we need to teach our children.
Terrorists
I’ve been asked to boycott Disney World and Wal-Mart because they support gay rights. You’d think that Wal-Mart was selling child pornography with the vehemence of some folk’s disapproval.
So I immediately go to my children and tell them about homosexuality, why adults should have the right to choose who they love and why it’s none of our business what other consenting adults do as long as they don’t harm anyone. I top off our talk with a recap about healthy relationships (keeping in mind the many dysfunctional heterosexual couples).
Here’s an actual e-mail I received in response to an August 31, 2006 press release that read, “Wal-Mart asks for, and receives, permission to join homosexual marriage group.”
A woman from Texas writes:
Well, it looks like the battle has just been brought to us! What will you do? This is a copy of my response [to the press release] to the company head: Dear Chairman Walton: We regret DEEPLY that Wal-Mart has made a decision to help promote the homosexual agenda, including homosexual marriage. I will share this information with my friends and family. We have given many thousands of dollars to your company but am considering going to local businesses that stand for the same morals we have-one man, one woman-that is the biblical statement on marriage and there is no other! We cannot and WILL NOT fund something we don't believe God honors! You have just overstepped His boundary. May God have mercy on your soul!
I actually considered shopping at Wal-Mart after reading the above e-mail. But I seriously doubt the soldiers of Christ sending this hysterical call-to-arms will pass up the cheap deals at Wal-Mart in favor of helping the little guy and gal. That would mean money out of their pockets.
What’s disturbing, however, is that these religious hound-dogs try to incite frenzy over ideas they “don’t believe God honors!” If this is a belief—and a very personal one at that—then why bully others into following? Isn’t this intimidation a terrorism of sorts?
Note to my children: If you know someone who participates in these types of boycotts, avoid them.
So I immediately go to my children and tell them about homosexuality, why adults should have the right to choose who they love and why it’s none of our business what other consenting adults do as long as they don’t harm anyone. I top off our talk with a recap about healthy relationships (keeping in mind the many dysfunctional heterosexual couples).
Here’s an actual e-mail I received in response to an August 31, 2006 press release that read, “Wal-Mart asks for, and receives, permission to join homosexual marriage group.”
A woman from Texas writes:
Well, it looks like the battle has just been brought to us! What will you do? This is a copy of my response [to the press release] to the company head: Dear Chairman Walton: We regret DEEPLY that Wal-Mart has made a decision to help promote the homosexual agenda, including homosexual marriage. I will share this information with my friends and family. We have given many thousands of dollars to your company but am considering going to local businesses that stand for the same morals we have-one man, one woman-that is the biblical statement on marriage and there is no other! We cannot and WILL NOT fund something we don't believe God honors! You have just overstepped His boundary. May God have mercy on your soul!
I actually considered shopping at Wal-Mart after reading the above e-mail. But I seriously doubt the soldiers of Christ sending this hysterical call-to-arms will pass up the cheap deals at Wal-Mart in favor of helping the little guy and gal. That would mean money out of their pockets.
What’s disturbing, however, is that these religious hound-dogs try to incite frenzy over ideas they “don’t believe God honors!” If this is a belief—and a very personal one at that—then why bully others into following? Isn’t this intimidation a terrorism of sorts?
Note to my children: If you know someone who participates in these types of boycotts, avoid them.
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